Too Much Thinking, or So I Think..

I feel like I've spent most of my time so far in D.C. just thinking. Whenever I'm outside of my element and in a different environment, I naturally end up reflecting on my life and how things could be different.

One of the thoughts that runs through my head on a day-to-day basis, is the fact that I am going to have a lot of school debt. And I mean a lot of school debt. Easily over $100,000. I often think what if. What if I hadn't gone to the school I chose to attend, or what if I didn't go to school at all? I don't even know what I want now, and I can guarantee I didn't know what I wanted when I was 17/18 years old.

How could THIS person know anything except what kind of clothes she likes, and what color fingernail polish she wants to put on next?

How could THIS person fully understand what personal loans are, and what they are going to mean for her future?

What if I wouldn't have gone to school? I could have decided I wanted to travel to different cities, and work random odd jobs to make that dream happen. No debt, only enough to get by and see what I want to see, do the things I want to do. What if I decided I want that now? What if I want to jump from city to city? With looming debt along with the grueling payments that will commence only 6 shorts months after I'm out of school..  

Everything will work out, it always does. Someday I will understand why I chose the paths I've chosen. But, in the mean time I'm left feeling somewhat remorseful. Disappointed in the fact that I didn't hold onto the gift of being carefree, for just a little bit longer.